Resilience

In an interview with Victoria Kennedy in the December 20, 2009, issue of Parade Magazine, Dotson Rader outlined in some detail the characteristics of a man who was “always an optimist,” Senator Edward M. Kennedy. After his diagnosis of terminal brain cancer in the early summer of 2008 he began, according to his wife, Victoria, “figuring out what we’re going to do about this…We’re going to move forward.”

Kennedy believed in universal health care and sponsored legislation to create it but, according to his wife, he was “no Pollyanna.” He suffered defeats over the years but, even though he might get upset, he never “reacted with anger. He always took the long view and didn’t take it personally.” His faith comforted him. The lesson of his life, according to Victoria, was perseverance. “You never give up.” Optimists don’t. They act on their values and their faith. They take the long view. And they plan, even when confronting their own death.

Ron Breazeale, Ph.D.
Author, Duct Tape Isn’t Enough
www.reachinghome.com

A couple of weeks ago, the Police Poetry Calendar for Portland, Maine, was released. The program is sponsored by Art at Work which is a national initiative to improve municipal government through strategic art-making projects with city employees and elected politicians. Marty Pottenger was the driving force behind the Police Poetry Project which is in its second year.

Portland Police Chief James Craig believes it is “a real opportunity to show the community what police officers are all about.” The calendar is dedicated to the memory of Sergeant Rick Betters who died this past year. He was well loved by his officers, and as Assistant Chief Joe Loughlin put it, “No matter what your relationship, you learned something from Rick Betters.”

The poetry is quite good and worth a read, and as Chief Craig said, it does give you more of a sense of who police officers really are. One poem struck me in particular entitled, “Jenny and I,” describing a police officer’s involvement in the investigation of the physical abuse of a young child.

“My 18 years wearing camo then blue, her 18 months wearing black and blue, Jenny and I have learned we cry inside.”

In addition to giving us a better sense of who police really are, the poetry project allows officers to acknowledge to others and deal more directly with the strong feelings that they must manage on a daily basis, but often without being able to express them “outside.”

Ron Breazeale, Ph.D.
Author, Duct Tape Isn’t Enough
www.reachinghome.com

Barrett Nichols of Falmouth, Maine, celebrated his 108th birthday recently. Mr. Nichols was a child when Henry Ford made his first Model-T. He has lived through two World Wars and the Great Depression. His friends say he is an avid golfer, has a good sense of humor, and still loves his cigars and rum and tonics.

We know that humor and exercise play a role in resilience. And, at least for Mr. Nichols, it appears that cigars and rum and tonics have also played a role!

Ron Breazeale, Ph.D.
Author, Duct Tape Isn’t Enough
www.reachinghome.com

Recently a friend of mine gave me a copy of an article that appeared in Oprah Winfrey’s magazine, “O” in November of 2007, entitled “Love At Last.” The article reviewed six lessons the author had learned from her investigation of those who find love late in life.

Two of the lessons, keeping an open mind and being open to reunions with old friends and lovers, seemed to focus more on the issue of being flexible and willing to try out new as well as old things…and people…again. Other lessons focused on being persistent (Lesson 4: “Try, Try Again”) and optimistic.

Lesson 3 entitled “Say Your Prayers” focused on faith and belief that good things could still happen in your life, perhaps with some Divine intervention. Last of all (Lesson 6: “Enjoy Every Moment”) emphasized keeping the focus on the present.

One day at a time, a good philosophy. Finding our creating love at last requires resilience.

Ron Breazeale, Ph.D.
Author, Duct Tape Isn’t Enough
www.reachinghome.com

The American Psychological Association has just released its recent survey of stress in America. The APA has been conducting this survey for the last few years. Some of the findings worth giving some thought to are:

• Children apparently are feeling the effects of the recession and the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.  The survey revealed that parents often do not realize the level of stress that their children are experiencing.
• Seventy-five percent of those adults and children polled indicated moderate to high levels of stress with sleep problems, headaches, and problems with eating.
• Both adults and children complained of problems with feeling angry and irritated frequently and fatigued.
• Those polled indicated that they frequently attempted to relieve stress in sedentary ways, such as by listening to music or reading.
• Those surveyed indicated that when they received recommendations from their physician or healthcare provider about making changes in their lifestyle, such as quitting smoking, increasing exercise, reducing weight, or eating more healthy foods, they received little support in making these changes. Only a small percentage indicated that they had been referred to another healthcare provider, such as a dietitian or a psychologist, to assist them in being able to make these changes.
• The overwhelming majority of those polled indicated that their present insurance plan did not cover preventative services or services needed to better manage chronic illness. This may explain why the majority of those needing support in making lifestyle changes received little support and assistance from their healthcare provider.

To learn more about the results of this survey, go to: apahelpcenter.org. You can find a summary of the results of this survey and information on how to identify the signs of stress in your children and how to talk with them about it. The skills and the attitudes that can help you prevent and manage stress are the same as those that build and maintain resilience.

Ron Breazeale, Ph.D.
Author, Duct Tape Isn’t Enough
www.reachinghome.com

As we all are aware from the headlines, the percentage of people who are unemployed in our society has continued to grow. The rate remains over 10 percent and will most likely be that high or higher for the immediate future. For so many, this is a personal tragedy that can devastate an individual but also their family and their community.

Getting back to work often requires that people network, build on the connections they have with others, be willing to be flexible in the way in which they deal with the job market and work to rebuild their sense of confidence in themselves. The skills and the attitudes of resilience can play a critical role in helping an individual find and maintain a new job or a new career.

It appears now that many of those who knew the psychiatrist who is accused of committing the atrocity at Ft. Hood realized that he was having difficulty meeting the demands of his position . Those who were aware that something was not right included his supervisors, colleagues, and friends. But no one intervened.

Sadly, the story is a familiar one. We often wait until it is too late.

If we are to be a resilient society, we must be willing to focus on the resilience of others. Connecting with others, communicating clearly, and intervening before tragedy occurs are the skills that we need to practice on a daily basis. Avoidance, rigidity, and an unwillingness to get involved and intervene will only lead to more tragedies.

We need to value and reassert these skills and attitudes from the past and the present, but most importantly, we need to practice them. Research in the social sciences and our own experience tells us that:

1. Connecting with others is better than isolating ourselves.
2. Flexibility works better in most situations than rigidity.
3. Communicating with others is almost always better than not talking.
4. Looking to ourselves to solve our problems rather than to others works best.
5. Recognizing and dealing with rather than ignoring our feelings and the feelings of others can help keep us emotionally healthy.
6. Acting on our values works better than acting on our fears.
7. Being optimistic is better than being pessimistic.
8. Caring for ourselves and for others serves everyone best.
9. Laughter is better, at times, than tears.
10. Greed and going shopping will not solve our problems.

These skills and attitudes are the focus of Duct Tape Isn’t Enough and Reaching Home. They are survival skills for the 21st century, whether the adversity is a national or regional disaster such as a hurricane or a terrorist attack of a personal disaster, such as the death of a child or loss of a spouse.

To be continued…
Ron Breazeale, Ph.D.
Author, Duct Tape Isn’t Enough
www.reachinghome.com

If we look with clear eyes at the past and our present, we can see what works and what does not. In the past many would argue that we were better at acting on our values and beliefs, and at being optimistic and confident about ourselves and the future of our country. Indeed, we may have been better at staying connected with family and friends in creating and supporting our communities. But, today it is clear that we know better how to communicate effectively than past generations, although some would say that our seeming obsession with the Internet and texting instead of face-to-face communication would suggest otherwise.

We also know better how to manage strong feelings and emotions than in the past, despite the fact that politicians can still used fear to manipulate us. And we clearly today know better how to care for ourselves physically, even when our waistlines and those of our children point to the reality that we are not practicing what we know to be best for our health.

To be continued…
Ron Breazeale, Ph.D.
Author, Duct Tape Isn’t Enough
www.reachinghome.com

Duct Tape Isn’t Enough does not focus on blaming the bad guys for our problems or finding the right good guy to act as our savior. There are no messianic good guys or demonic bad guys in the book. Many of those who survive the tragedies of 911 and Katrina, and who will be able to survive the present financial crisis and the tragedies of the future, will call upon the skills and the work attitudes of resilience to manage the situations they confront.

Optimism, flexibility, teamwork, confidence in ourselves, and the rightness of what we are doing have sustained human societies throughout history. To survive the hard times of the 21st Century we need to go back to the past and practice what we know works. Many of the skills and attitudes that we need are the same ones that our parents and grandparents used to survive the Great Depression, World War II, and Vietnam; the same skills and attitudes that their parents and grandparents used to build our nation. They are the spirit of America.

Blinking lights and computer screens, like duct tape, are wonderful inventions, but they are not enough to hold our world together. A GPS unit may help you find your way to the hospital, but it will not help you find your way when you are feeling lost in the ICU waiting room as your husband or wife clings to life.

To be continued…
Ron Breazeale, Ph.D.
Author, Duct Tape Isn’t Enough